Everyone Needs a Support Group… Doesn’t Mean I’m not Crazy

I’m starting to get overwhelmed by everything I ‘have to do’ right now. And sadly, the more overwhelmed I get the less likely I am to do any of it. I just get tired. Like down to the bones aching tired. I think all day about all the things I need to get done, that I can as long as I have a three year old trying to wrestle onto my lap an then when his bedtime rolls around all I have energy to do is crawl into bed.

I have a novel 3/4ths of the way drafted, with people who have already states an interest in beta reading… and I haven’t written a word on it in weeks. Every other writing project is fairing about the same.

The only thing I’ve managed to write is a few one-off horror stories. Which I can only assume is because there was no pressure to write them. I just sat down, dumped out my thoughts, vented my hidden bloodlusts and was done with it. I have this fear that if I start to edit my horror pieces more than a good once over I’ll just stop writing them.

But the biggie is… I have my novel out with agents and editors, waiting on a response. There is nothing I can do about that. Nothing. But somehow it puts extra weight on the other things like somehow if I just wrote more on my fantasy novel, or finished that rough draft, or finished editing my paranormal-scifi… somehow that would help my chances.

It’s like a noose just hanging over my head. Not doing anything but waiting to swoop down and destroy me at every moment. I feel like shouting ‘I can’t do this! I’m not strong enough, I give! I’m out.’

But I won’t, because I can’t. There is nowhere to go but forward. So I pile these projects around myself to keep busy and then I drown in them.

I’ve found myself wondering this week if it will always be like this. Will the possibility of rejection always hang this heavy? Why can’t I just find a way to find contentment in what I do have?

Speaking of…on a completely different note- my novel Deprivation is a fraction away from 20k views. I think all week that’s the thread I’ve been holding onto (and trying desperately to keep my brain from reminding me that 20k isn’t nearly 200k or 2 million… I really need a zapper to silence that voice.)

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6 thoughts on “Everyone Needs a Support Group… Doesn’t Mean I’m not Crazy

  1. Hi there,

    Found your blog through the IWSG list. Thought I’d pop in and say hi! I’m new to the group (as of today) and have also resisted getting a blog for a long time so finding writers to follow is great. I resonate with a lot of your feelings here, and a noose is a particularly excellent way to put it. 20k views on your novel is pretty damn awesome though, so congrats!

    Best,
    Alex

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  2. Glad to have found you through IWSG! Take baby steps and put things into perspective. That may help in not feel so overwhelmed! Good luck! No if I could take my own advice!

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  3. Sharing with other authors really does help. I love your title by the way. Ir sounds like you have a lot going on and you are doing all the right things. I know that tired to the bone feeling and when it happens to me or sometimes even when I’m not tired from doing too much, but just lazy from doing too little, I get in a writing funk and can’t seem to finish what I’m working on. I have really bad ADHD so when I try and work on too many projects at once, my mind goes in all directions.

    I’m betting that the reason your horror stories are so awesome is because you just wrote them without worrying or caring. Often when I print out what I’ve written for revisions, I’ll stumble upon a chapter or a few scenes that I wrote and they are really good, more emotional and authentic than the others. I think back to writing them and they are the ones I thought would be the worst because I just wrote without trying too make it sound good or without concentrating on story structure etc. It’s when we write from our heart that our real and authentic voice shines. I’m so much better at pointing this out to others than following my own advice.

    Melissa
    http://melissasugarwrites.com

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